A Timely PSA...
You may remember the BABY BOOM of '04. There may even be some among us who have had to redirect thoughts of early retirement back to tasks of shopping for baby food and potty training...
And even though most of our ovaries may twitch at the sight of THIS...
FANTASY is one thing...
REALITY is quite another.
Cuz babies of Rock Stah's still tend to poop and cry and spit up and keep you up all night just like the rest of 'em... and though your 15 minutes of fame might seem worth it... for those 15 minutes… trust me, no one will be thinking about YOU sitting at home with all those mashed potatoes and peas stuck to your hair while THEY are happily "stuck" to those great seats in Section 1 Row A.
Of course Clay would... if he KNEW...
But that's the rub.
**Note: If you feel you are young enough or energetic enough to brave this adventure... please feel free to bypass this PSA and proceed directly to the Guestbook.
But back to the fastly approaching JBT… and this very important PSA.
Because believe it or not... it is finally the time to begin preparing.
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There are many options of protection available. Please be aware, however, that some of these have proven to be more effective than others.
The first and most effective means of all, of course, is just to avoid the DANGER ZONE... altogether.
This method has proven to be virtually fail-safe... however, for many, it has also been known to intensify symptoms of PMS...
The Calendar method seems to be fairly effective as well... or at least we haven't HEARD of any casualties during the recent months of January... February... March... April... May... or June…
Along the same vein... the Withdrawal method has also proven to be quite reliable, however some do experience side effects, such as severe depression and diminished enjoyment, which has been known to continue for months on end. Therefore, we don't recommend it.
The Barrier method has also been found to be very effective...
...but it does have it's drawback.
As in that ONE TIME he forgot to wear his contact lenses...
**as hundreds of women across the globe sacrifice JNT in December two years running due to pre-committed birthday party celebrations... where the only melty things are those two little drippy candles...**
Don't let this happen to you!
Please be proactive!
Here, a woman offers a testimonial to the effectiveness of another version of the barrier method... explaining that it is still possible, while wearing this, to actually get close enough to smell him... and still remain **somewhat** unaffected...
(Yeah... we didn't believe it at first either.)
However, she does go on to say that she was wise enough to use additional protection.
**A variety of over the counter products are available, which will not only increase the effectiveness of this method... but can add to the enjoyment of the experience as well.**
But...
Without a doubt... we have found the Rhythm method to be, hands down, the one to beat.
For the simple reason that this method is typically only used during independent, solo gigs... and involves very little, if any, audience participation. If you get what we mean... *wink wink*
And these just released... the newly patented line of Clay Aiken EF Repellent eyewear…
...which can be manually adjusted according to the intensity of the EF... and with nearly the same speed and craftiness...
jannet: OMG K'eh!... Remember THAT one? DC... right?
Karen: BINGO!... And WHEW!.. was that ever a close one, eh?
And they even look rather cute and sassy on some people...
Of course, as always, additional protection is the key…
**Note: No live model pic available for this one... as the only models we could think of who would look even semi-decent in THIS get-up are all now, thankfully... attending college...
WARNING!
DO NOT BE FOOLED by some of the "preventative measures" making their way around the Boards. Many of these are merely FADS and WILL NOT WORK. In fact some have been proven to have the completely reverse effect...
This one... for one.
As well as this one...
...and this one...
...and this one...
...and, um, this one...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At any rate… CLEARLY, the message here is... RESPONSIBILITY.
It's Clay's job to get out there and SING!... and to share with us his special gift. The fact that his "gift" is potent beyond measure is completely beside the point.
It's OUR job to keep him looking like this...
...and not like this...
... because that would most likely lead to this...
and then so on...
and so on...
and so on...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Thank you for your attention to this very important and urgent Public Service Announcement.
Written and Photochopped by jannet
**With special thanks to K'eh for the inspiration…
**and, of course, to Wendy in FL for getting it up...
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